My name is Virginic Jeff. Go ahead, have your fun. It is a strange name to be proud of but I am. Let me tell you why.
I was born, ready to be loved. As I grew I gave love as well. My home life was principled: be kind and honest.
While my father worked in the sun, my mother stayed at home to take care of me. She allowed me to explore and learn without fear. The structure of our days had a feel, a scent, a taste, a hue and a magic. Those four years taught me everything I would ever need to know. My life was in perfect harmony.
Then I went to preschool.
When I was spit out of the school system I was hardened. My mother's rules meant very little to the outside world. They used the same language but it was empty rhetoric. I had learned to hide my inner beauty.
Here is where I began to write myself out of a job. First blog and I spent an hour writing my f'ing memoirs!
I wrote about, (then deleted): relationships, getting stabbed with a screwdriver, self worth, despair, near death experiences, traveller's magic, the kindest gift from a homeless man in Seattle, drugs, better drugs, worse drugs, quantum possibility, my rap career, seeing the moment when life becomes death, why I eat the way I do, lessons from 3 years in Chile, the time I met futbol legend Pele, and even how to properly field a ground ball with an in-between hop… We have time for all that, no matter what Sweet Brown says.
So instead, here is the...
Home- happy. School- I was taught to hide my feelings. Post schooling - I was disjointed and in pain. I found that truth was the enemy of all established powers and have since then decided to find my own power by peeling back the layers of chitinous, dead, shell, that protected me and helped me hide my tiny beauty of truth from the world. I lost my fear of death, and found a will to live. I will never be afraid again.
You find me in Warsaw, Poland. Working for an upstart company called Virginic. Our mission is to produce and sell pure products, honestly. My personal mission within Virginic’s vision is to connect with you, also purely and honestly.
I am a college dropout and was never trained to write, or to do anything else really. I am not even sure what I am doing, how to do it, or why someone has let me try but I do know that I believe in Virginic’s mission and values. I also know that I care about you and your day.
I want to help make irrelevant the existing cosmetics industry for making humanity feel fat, ugly, and old and I want to do it by helping to create a new paradigm. We will smash their ugly ideas with beauty, kindness, good ideas, and pure products.
Let us create and enjoy our human beauty together and have some fun on the way.
I guess I just want to know that I am not alone.
Here is a story for you while I get a tissue... allergies you see...
You Cannot Beat Crazy
I was 20 when I headed to S.E. Alaska to work on a type of fishing boat called a purse seine. Our crew was in Ketchikan and had a rare 3 days off in a row. With too much money and too much energy, my deck mate Jason and I hit the town. In a matter of hours we were hitchhiking to a field party in the mountains above the small fishing town.
The mountain party was lit by the biggest bonfire you ever done seen. Jason and I were quite the curiosities. He, a streetwise and scrappy Chicago-bred wild child and, I, interesting in my own way I guess.
We made friends quickly and drank even faster. It was the first time I had ever had Rumplemintz. That stuff… Anyhow, I was properly Rumpled and decided I was going to head back into town. There was a small pickup with something like 6 dudes in the back. I jumped in with them and all was cool, until it wasn’t.
One of them said I smelled and started making a scene. I told him where he could go, and then his friends all told me where I could go… so I jumped out of the truck and started walking back to the warmth of the party. Have you ever been a 20 year old guy? It is horrible. Raging hormones and bravado are really something else... add liquor and ooooof!
As I was walking back, one of them said something especially rude. It struck me as particularly bad manners, especially because I had already made my calculated retreat.
I stopped, bent over, and picked up a rock. Good sized one too. I was 2 years removed from a decent high school baseball career, so the rock I chose was just an extension of my body. I turned and fired. PLONK! Right in the side of the truck. I picked up another. PLONK! By now, the truck had emptied from the back and the front. I stood 20 paces away with a rock in my hand. They were saying things as I tossed the rock aside.
There is a rule that sane people learn: you cannot beat “crazy”.
I began yelling like a madman. Telling them to come at once, one at a time or not at all, it didn’t matter to me... I could have popped the tires with my teeth!
They hopped back in the truck and took off as I fired rocks at their retreat. Satisfied, I turned, stepped badly, twisted my ankle, and went head over tea kettle down a very small embankment. I came to rest, absolutely buried in a briar patch. The thorns had me. I began wailing...
Jason found me and with great effort pulled my idiot self out. I was bleeding from a thousand cuts. The juxtaposition of events had thrilled the party goers. They began calling me Brawler. Ironically, I think.
They next morning, we finally got back to the boat and I was S I C K. The rest of my shore leave was spent puking and moaning.
I hope you will join me on this ride of self reflection and self discovery as I continue on my path towards a harmonious existence.
Will it be done? Can it be done?! Did I hold my friends penis to save his life? Find out in Virginic Jeff’s next blog about Activated Charcoal Powder, penis’s and a caveman named TukTuk.
I should sue Rumplemintz.
Now that we know one another a bit I want to move our relationship to the next level. Visit Virginic.com and use the promo code VIRGINICJEFF to receive 10% off your purchases. May I suggest the Body Butter? That stuff is awesome.